Practicing Mindfulness in a Mad World
“When we talk about settling the world’s problems, we’re barking up the wrong tree. The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It has always been a mess. We are not going to change it. Our job is to straighten out our own lives.” — Joseph Campbell
{Written by Jason}
It feels like the world is batshit crazy sometimes. Because, well, it is. Trying to control life or ascribe meaning to everything is a path to madness. If anything, the only things we have control of are our perception of our circumstances, the stories we assign to them, and how we choose to respond or react to what’s in front of us.
That’s where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be some esoteric, hyper-spiritualized practice with dubious benefits. The practice of mindfulness can be an endeavor where we choose to see clearly, become aware of our emotional responses to what’s happening at the moment, and then make a choice from our self-awareness.
Speaking on mindfulness, I came to my own practices because I was in a lot of pain. The lack of awareness regarding the ripple effects of my own actions was the launchpad for me. Or, put more bluntly, I was mindlessly thrashing around stirring up a lot of shit and causing a lot of pain. I realized this was not a path I wanted to keep walking down. So I started meditating, journaling, and taking inventory of my “inner life” and recurring thoughts.
How to clearly see “what is” at the moment
One of the first tenets of mindfulness is the practice of seeing clearly “what is” at the moment: seeing beyond our illusions and doing the work to dissolve our attachments, expectations, assumptions, and demands of life.
True mindfulness, I believe, is in cultivating a healthy, grounded, balanced and sane relationship to the nature of life itself while seeing that WE are also life itself. Not apart from it. Not separate from it.
We are life. And therefore the nature of reality — of life — is our essential nature as well. We get into trouble, then, when we are in resistance to reality and not accepting what is happening in the present moment.
In a practical sense, mindfulness is best practiced not only in meditation, or prayer, or affirmations — but also in our everyday choice to respond or react to the situations that arise in our own lives.
Life itself is inherently neutral — WE bring the meaning to it.
We bring our belief systems, our conditioning, our desires and preferences into every single situation.
I’ll give you an example of this: have you ever met a couple who was transitioning out of their romantic relationship?
Sometimes, one person in the relationship feels as if they’ve just been liberated from solitary confinement for years and feels expansive freedom for the first time in ages.
The other person feels as if their world has just ended and they have no reason to live anymore.
It’s the exact same situation — neutral and without inherent meaning — but different interpretations and assigned meanings based on the individuals experiencing the situation.
Life is a blank canvas — we bring the color and texture and emotion to it.
So what does this mean? This means that you have a choice in every situation.
Perceptions and beliefs about circumstances = your reality
You have a choice to assign whatever meaning you want to it — AND — if you want to respond or react to it.
You can choose to perceive yourself as a victim or a survivor.
You can choose to see yourself as a success or a failure.
You can choose to wallow in your brokenness or find a way to heal yourself.
It’s all your choice — and a key aspect of mindfulness is realizing the power of your choice to shape your reality in every moment.
It’s a conscious awareness inside that says, “Ah, yes, I am choosing THIS. On some level, conscious or unconscious, I am choosing this willfully.”
It can be a very frightening realization — or a supremely empowering one. Sometimes, it’s both!
Reacting vs. responding to life
Response vs. reaction is a fundamental concept in the practice of mindfulness. When an event occurs, you again have a choice to respond or react to it.
Here’s the difference: response is when you fully accept the reality of the moment and choose to take the most positive action possible in full awareness that you are consciously making that choice.
Reaction is when you act like what is happening should not be, that life is out to destroy you and you’re a victim of your circumstances. It’s dissolving your state of Being into resistance, worry, anxiety, fear, and snap judgments.
Here’s an example: you’re driving to a very important meeting and you get a flat tire on the way there. Except you don’t know how to change a tire. A reactionary person gets out of the car, screams obscenities, kicks the car, breaks their foot, and bemoans the fact that life hates them so much.
They go back into the car, full of rage, frustration, and a lack of clarity. They are in full resistance to what is happening, devolving into victim consciousness and doing nothing positive or proactive to assist the situation.
They have forgotten about their original aim: to show up to this very important meeting.
Conversely, a responsive person would get the same flat tire en route to the very important meeting, pull over to the safest location possible, get out of the car and say, “Ah, crap. Okay, hm, what can I do to make sure the car is safe and taken care of while I handle this meeting?”
Perhaps they call roadside assistance to ask for help and then call the person they were supposed to meet and explain the situation.
Perhaps they drive the car to a safe position on the shoulder of the highway or a side street, lock the car, take their valuables, and just ride share to their meeting.
No matter the eventual action, they are making a choice to see reality clearly and respond to it with a positive, proactive set of options that can help them achieve their intended aim: to get to the freakin’ meeting.
The mental benefits of responding to life
There is no resistance, no anger, no victimhood, no “woe is me” thinking clouding their vision — people who respond to life have practiced seeing clearly what is and then taking the most appropriate action.
When you respond to life, you maintain a positive, clear, and effective state of Being. When you react to life, you create a painful, muddled, ineffective state of Being. Every single day, we get handed a new deck of cards. We have no control over the hand we’re dealt.
We DO, however, have control over how we’re going to play them.
When you choose to respond to life with acceptance, positive action, clarity, and calmness — the chances for a loving and lasting resolution to life’s challenges become greater. And boy — do we all get plenty of chances to practice this every… single… day. That’s how much life loves you and wants you to wake up.
Perhaps they drive the car to a safe position on the shoulder of the highway or a side street, lock the car, take their valuables, and just rideshare to their meeting.
No matter the eventual action, they are making a choice to see reality clearly and respond to it with a positive, proactive set of options that can help them achieve their intended aim: to get to the freakin’ meeting.
There is no resistance, no anger, no victimhood, no “woe is me” bullshit clouding their vision — people who respond to life have practiced seeing clearly what is and then taking the most appropriate action.
How the hell do I practice this in real life?
The next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable, challenging, or grossly inconvenient situation and you find yourself dissolving into a reactionary state of Being, stop yourself as quickly as possible.
Stop, close your eyes, take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart and ask yourself out loud:
“Wait. What’s real here? What’s truly important right NOW?”
This can literally stop the cycle of toxic, damaging reactivity before it even begins. Breathe, breathe, and breathe some more, take a few moments if possible to ground yourself and examine your options for a response.
Then, when you are able to calm your breath and your body, choose the most positive, loving, appropriate response to the situation.
This practice can help to save you from saying (or doing) a lot of dumb stuff that you might regret later. Trust me on this one.
“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” — Byron Katie
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Originally published at https://www.wellevatr.com.
