How to Handle Life’s Challenges with Joy
An exploration on how to embrace the challenges, sorrows and myriad difficulties of modern life with more joyfulness, curiosity, choice and internal fortitude.
“A good person dyes events with his own color… and turns whatever happens to his own benefit.” — Seneca
I’m honestly not an optimist by default.
In fact, I have to work REALLY hard to stay positive most of the time. For whatever reason, it seems like my natural state is somewhat cynical (yet curious) about life. And as such, when challenges arise in life, there’s a choice presented to us all.
Personally, I have found the key is to reframe challenges as quickly as possible. Instead of my natural default of “Ughhhhh… why is life testing me like this?!?” I’ve learned to relate to life’s challenges as an opportunity for growth. And, as an opportunity instead of a burden, you can look for joyfulness in the situation.
Whether it’s starting a business from scratch, taking on additional duties in your current job or trying to balance the ever-tricky scales of work/life balance — knowing that you have the power to bring meaning to life’s circumstances makes a massive difference. It’s the difference between victim consciousness and being the conscious chooser of how you want to feel about your life. It’s often said that it’s not WHAT happens to us, but HOW we interpret the event of our lives.
“Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.” — Joseph Campbell
Recently, I was turned on to the Latin phrase, “amor fati”, which translates to “the love of fate.” This is a very Stoic type of perspective about life, which current new-age teachers like Byron Katie have co-opted to “loving what is.” Either way, it’s about saying “yes” to whatever comes your way in life without shrinking back, judging or being in resistance to life. This is easy to practice when everything is going exactly the way you want it to. But how long does that really last? If anything, once we get locked into a comfort zone, life has a way of shaking shit up to make sure we don’t get too lost in a deaded, vapid haze of routine and sameness.
The Greeks called this concept “ktisis” which, from my interpretation, refers to life’s tendency to make decisions on our behalf when we are too scared to do so for ourselves. For example, you know you want to leave the job you hate, but you’re too damn comfortable there and continue to justify it as a means to an end. But you checked the growth box on the way into this world and life ain’t gonna stand for it. So you get fired. You knew what was best for you (so did life) and it shook you free from the situation that was keeping you comfy and dead inside.
Now, in any situation where there’s a loss of something: a person, a job, money, health, security — it’s easy to freak out and lose our minds. Especially if our sense of self-worth or identity is tied to any external things. Once those things leave us, our sense of who we are gets shaken to the core. This can be a horror fest, or an opportunity for you to really get to know yourself and find out what really matters.
“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” — Marcus Aurelius
The power of choice can’t be understated when dealing with challenges. There’s the classic story about Thomas Edison’s workshop going up in flames, to which he responded with awe and surrender, even asking his children to wake their mother so she could partake in the spectacle. In that situation, surrender was the only sane option. Edison watched his life’s work go up in a giant, chemical plume of fire and ash. This probably would’ve ended most people’s career. Instead, Edison built a new laboratory, rose his company from the ashes and proceeded to invent even MORE life-changing technology that changed human society.
Could he have folded? Sure. Felt bad about himself or his lot in life? Yep. Turned his back on his gifts and talents to hide away from the world? Oh, you betcha. But he didn’t. Edison surrendered to the moment and made a decision to rebuild that part of his life. And maybe, on some level, life was like, “Uhhhh, Tom, you’re way too comfortable. Let’s make this more interesting for you…” And so it was.
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.” — Tao Te Ching
The idea of loving your fate and/or loving what is… it makes people… really uncomfortable. Why? Because we like to complain. Our reptilian brains are wired for it: look for the threat and take action. We love talking about how hard it is to be an entrepreneur, or to work for someone else, or to lose money on a business venture. The list is seemingly inexhaustible because humans love to bond over our perceived failures, lost opportunities and insurmountable challenges in life. But what’s the benefit it that? To have a pity party? To get sympathy from others? To get someone’s permission to throw in the towel once they confirm how “bad” things are for you? I don’t like where any of this goes. It feels like nihilism and self-pity, which can erode the fortitude of our spirit very, very quickly.
To avoid this erosion of spirit, a good strategy is to try your damn best to love whatever is presented to you in each moment. And even if you can’t love it, at the very least accept it. To live in denial, resistance or fear is to live in illusion. By accepting the circumstances of our life, as raw, painful or uncomfortable as they may be, allows us to see reality clearly and make an appropriate decision on how best to respond to life. Taking time to slow down, allay our reactivity or desire to complain, and move toward proactive, solution-oriented thinking is a great start.
“If you feel anxiety or depression, you are not in the present. You are either anxiously projecting the future or depressed and stuck in the past. The only thing you have any control over is the present moment; simple breathing exercises can make us calm and present instantly.” — Tobe Hanson
This process of slowing down, breathing deeply and allowing the ferocity of life to simply be can yield significant results in how we deal with business, with relationships, with anything in life that challenges us. I think this is one of the elements of mindfulness that has had such an incredible impact on corporate life. Seeing how much meditation, mindfulness and mental health is emphasized by more and more large companies is very promising. These mindfulness techniques, once learned and consistently practiced, can yield incredible results for productivity, focus and stress mitigation.
So, the next time you’re presented with a challenge in life, slow down, breathe and take time to accept what’s been put in front of you. Perhaps you didn’t ask for this. Perhaps you did. Either way, it’s here asking for your attention and action. And it’s the perfect opportunity to ask, “Where can I find joy in this? Where’s the excitement? Where can I have some fun with this?” This is not applicable for all challenges of life, mourning the loss of a loved one comes to mind, but for most of the stuff that life throws at you, this is a damn good foundation to reframe things.
“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” — Abraham Maslow
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This writing was originally posted on Wellevatr.com.
